"All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Ahab, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in Moby-Dick." — Herman Melville, Moby Dick.
The above passage in the context of recent political commentary proves that life truly imitates art. All you have to do is substitute "Wonkette" for "Ahab" and "Sarah Palin" with "Moby Dick."
Wonkette, in case you aren't aware, is a far left blog that somehow manages to keep afloat despite the fact that their vile, diseased vendetta against Palin has scared off virtually all of their sponsors.
And yet despite everything, they just can't control their maniacal compulsion to service their hatred for the former Alaskan Governor. For example, yesterday a courageous Wonkette contributor, who flings his/her anonymous jeers at Palin from behind the moniker "Wonkette Junior," called Palin stupid and vapid, who couldn't be "stupider," and a "jabbering imbecile."
Why do I suddenly feel like I need to ask my mother for milk money and play dodge ball or something? I think it's pretty clear from the intellectual hypocrisy on display here, now that their sponsors have bailed, Wonkette has taken to recruiting posts from school yard bullies who they can pay off in Twinkies and cigarettes.
What do they have to lose, when their Palin derangement has destroyed all their credibility anyway? It's not like Wonkette is a publication renowned for their honesty, accuracy, and mature thoughtful analysis. And Wonkette Junior's hysterical response to a statement Palin made recently about Paul Revere's midnight ride fits right in with the narrative:
Jabbering imbecile Sarah Palin and her rented tour bus continue to bring laughs to America. Here’s how she described Paul Revere’s famous 1775 secret horseback ride through the countryside where he quietly warned revolutionary conspirators of the British Army’s progress between Boston and Lexington, where they planned to arrest Samuel Adams and John Hancock: “He who warned uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.” You must watch this video from the local news in Boston.
Could Sarah Palin be stupider?
Ummm… than who? You, Wonkette Junior? Because it took me about two indolent minutes on Wikipedia to verify Palin's statement. But to be fair, maybe schoolyard bullies don't get access to the Internet during 5th grade detention. Which, I guess, could sort of explain why Wonkette Junior presumed nobody would verify the rest of his/her dishonest screed. Or not. Nevertheless, he/she continued…
Yes, and she is stupider: She also claims Paul Revere’s “midnight ride” on the eve of the Revolutionary War has something to do with the U.S. Constitution’s second amendment — the Bill of Rights wouldn’t exist until 1789 and wouldn’t be ratified until the end of 1791 — another 16 years after Revere’s famous ride. Ugh, every time Sarah Palin speaks in public, the nation’s collective IQ drops another point.
Clever. Watch out Shakespeare, you've got some real competition biting at your heels here. Oh, and by the way, if Wonkette Junior had paid more attention in third grade history he/she would have known, like most Americans, that the purpose of Paul Revere's ride was to protect the militia's weapons stash in Concord… which is clearly what Palin was referring to.
And yet, he/she isn't finished:
Oh, and those British takin’ away our arms? Paul Revere was British. Hancock and Adams were British. (Revere also never shouted “The British are coming,” both because that would defeat the purpose of quietly riding by night to alert his fellow revolutionary elitists and because they were all British.) He rang no bells, he fired no shots. Again, what would be the point of a secret midnight ride — and he was one of approximately 40 revolutionary conspirators and spies riding around Lexington that night warning of the army’s approach — if he was banging on bells and firing shots into the sky like some common Wasilla meth freak with a semi-automatic?
I'm going to ignore the bizarre nitpicking about who was "British" in that scenario and who used the word "British" — because frankly I don't have a clue what the point is. But judging by the level of balderdash in the rest of that paragraph, Wonkette Junior's going to need the Jaws of Life to extract his/her foot from his/her Palin-addled mouth.
Let me just say it again. One word: Wikipedia. Honestly. We're not talking about hours deep in the stacks at some downtown research library here.Took me about thirty seconds, Wonkette Junior, to verify that the British were "harried by guerilla fire" after being repelled by the militia — and about five minutes to dig even deeper and uncover this: (Hat tip Legal Insurrection)
"A townsman remembered that 'repeated gunshots, the beating of drums and the ringing of bells filled the air.'…. Along the North Shore of Massachusetts, church bells began to toll and the heavy beat of drums could be heard for many miles in the night air."
It's amazing what you can learn when not blinded by obsessive hatred. For example, here is Revere's own written account of what transpired after he was detained by the British that night: (Hat tip Conservatives4Palin)
"…He then ordered me to mount my Horse, after searching me for arms.He then orderd them to advance, & to lead me in front. When we got to the Road, they turned down towards Lexington. When we had got about one Mile, the Major Rode up to the officer that was leading me, & told him to give me to the Sergeant. As soon as he took me, the Major orderd him, if I attempted to run, or any body insulted them, to blow my brains out. We rode till we got near Lexington Meeting-house, when the Militia fired a Voley of Guns, which appeared to alarm them very much."
But, alas, Wonkette Junior passed over all of that to close with these words:
And then Sarah Palin’s stupidity and vapidity reached the known threshold and she vanished into space-time. Not really. Not ever
In response, I'll close with these:
"… to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee." Captain Ahab to Moby Dick.