If this is a recovery, I want the recession back!

Unemployment ticked up again in January, but no worries. This isn’t a recession. This is a recovery. Eighteen months recovering and counting.

Nevertheless, I thought it over and decided that I want the recession back. These recoveries are murder. Shouldn’t recovery mean something good is about to happen, like … I don’t know… recovering? Apparently not, and don’t bother going for the dictionary; it won’t help you make sense of this either.

I’m not an economist, I stink at math, and I don’t like Saturday mornings because they only have boring money shows on Fox News. And I only went to Community College. Nevertheless, I think I’ve figured out the difference between a recession and a recovery:

Recessions are something that the media and Democratic presidential candidates announce that America is in when they are challenging a Republican incumbent, but nobody pays attention because they are too busy doing things like working and camping and going to basketball games  to worry about it anyway.

On the other hand, when Americans start finding new sources of entertainment, like tearing their foreclosure notices up to make spitballs, which they shoot at the TV when Democratic presidents promise that jobs will be the “principle and number one focus” from now on, and shout, “You said that last year!” — that’s called a Recovery. With the exception of the 1930’s when it was called a Great Depression.  

Of course, there are recoveries of recoveries, too. But they take place in Republican administrations after a Democrat has left office. They aren’t called anything, partly because they don’t last very long, and partly because journalists can lose their press credentials if they get caught reporting anything positive about a Republican. Here is a screen grab from an interactive chart that illustrates my point. The blue line is the Reagan Recovery, and the red line is the Obama recovery. (Check out the real thing here. H/t to Heritage Foundation.)

You would think with such contrasting legacies, that Obama wouldn’t be inviting any side-by-side comparisons — but, unfortunately, you would be wrong. Amazingly, Obama’s public information officers in the mainstream media think they can con the public into swallowing the BS he pitched at the State of the Union last week (that any day now knowledge and innovation and everything else are gonna rev up and take off as long as we keep on gobbling up the private sector and printing money) by comparing him to someone who snuffed out a deep recession by doing the opposite — Ronald Reagan.  Isn’t that hysterical? Does this mean Reagan wasn’t evil, senile, greedy, dangerous, and stupid after all?

Regardless, Obama and his media fan club — all of whom would have thwarted Reagan’s success if they could have — see no hypocrisy in pimping his legacy just to squeeze a few more approval points for the anti-Reagan currently occupying the oval office.

On that, I guess I’ll let Reagan speak for himself: 

It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.

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