This is too good not to pass on

Dr. Pistoph at The 247 Things in Life That Piss Me Off has been “conducting a scientific study of Congressional hearings” and provides a “transcript” to illustrate his findings. I suspect he’s pulling our leg, considering that it nearly made me bust a gut.  Here’s an excerpt:

Senator Harumph: “Ladies and gentlemen, this hearing will come to order. Today we are here on grave business. The future of our entire civilization is at stake. Recently a most dastardly deed was committed by the greedy profiteers of FlooperCorp.”

Senator Limpnoggin: “Mr. Chairman, I ask that my esteemed colleagues yield their time to allow me to make a statement. The FlooperCorp is evil. They have recklessly endangered the lives of many with their complete and total disregard for anything but their bottom line.”

Senator Meddlebutt: “Mr. Chairman, I would like to ask the witness one simple question. Did you ever consider when you were manufacturing the Floopergollivator that you were destroying the habitat of the millichimpin arachnid?”

Witness: “Senator, I have no idea what a millichimpin arachnid is much less how FlooperCorp is destroying its habitat.”

Senator Meddlebutt: “It is incomprehensible that the FlooperCorp would not know about this little jewel of nature. And you, sir, are a poop head and a disgrace to the human race. Mr. Chairman, I move that we allocate $47 billion to study this matter. I also move that we audit the books of the FlooperCorp back to 1886. I move that we place a moratorium on the sale of all guns, ammunition and trans-fats. And finally, I move that we hold the witness in contempt of Congress and leak the particulars of this proceeding to the media.”

Senator Tweedledum: “I second the motion, I raise and I call.”

Senator Nerdley: “I demand that the photographer who just took my picture hand over the film in his camera. He caught me with my eyes closed while I, uh, um, was contemplating the damage done to my campaign, er I mean the environment.”

Senator Harumph: “It’s been moved, seconded, raised and called. The witness shall be remanded to the custody of the Chairman of the House Committee on Bailiwicks and Chattels. Tomorrow we will hold hearings on discrimination by dog owners against cats. We will resolve once and for all whether or not all dog owners should be required to redistribute their dogs to the poor. This hearing is adjourned.”

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