Updates From Prozac Planet

Israel’s determination to buck local tradition by protecting its citizens instead of persecuting them continues to stoke outrage all the way from Ankara to the White House Press Corps.


This latest wave of outrage led Turkey’s new BFF, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (A-jad), to optimistically prophesy “the final countdown for Israel’s existence” and put in a bulk order for black hoods and machetes.

It didn’t help that in a completely unrelated incident, Israeli commandos shot four Palestinian members of the Iranian swim team who were paddling toward Gaza with big plastic bags of dolphin treats.

The IDF said the size of the unit and equipment it was carrying proved that a large attack had been thwarted. The navy refused on Monday to disclose what was in the waterproof packages.

Based on the way the frogmen were swimming, as well as the diving equipment they used, they likely had undergone extensive training for the operation.

All this has led A-Jad to declare that he will send Iranian “aid” ships to Gaza within days and “will not shrink from a head-on clash with Israel.” Then, if all goes well, he will follow up with care packages for Joran Van der Sloot  and Tillikum the killer whale.

Incidentally, the latest intelligence proves A-Jad is quite the kidder. Bin Laden never moved to Washington D.C. at the invitation of his former business partner, George W. Bush. Who would have thought? Nevertheless, intelligence sources now report that Bin Laden has been under A-jad’s own personal protection for the past five years. Also, Turkey (still cranky about Israel’s aggressive acts of self-preservation) knows all about it, and it’s cool.

Debkafile’s intelligence sources disclosed Monday night that Turkish Prime Minister Recep Erdogan and his intelligence chiefs are well aware that Bin Laden and Zawahiri are hiding in Iran. The leak to the Kuwait paper was intended to show the Obama administration that the Turkish leader’s ties with Iran had grown intense enough for him to be fully in the picture of Iran’s secret sanctuary for the authors of the 9/11 attacks on the United States.

Unfortunately, there’s no time for the U.S. to take a stand on any of this, because we are too busy trying to make the other kids like us. That’s why Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton’s current priority is “reaching out” and “forging a new set of relationships” with America-hating despots in Central America.

And President Obama is completely swamped wth such activities as Bush-bashing with Paul McCartney, looking for asses to kick, and warning school children not to be flaming hypocrites. Besides, he will be occupied from now until November guarding his own backside from Carly Fiorina, Nikki Haley, Meg Whitman and Sharron Angle.


It’s a shame, but there are only so many hours in the day. Anyway, Israel doesn’t really need our support. They will do just fine in the capable hands of the U.N.

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