Snapping at Palin

 

Liberals divide people into two groups.  Those they think are smart and those they think are dumb as a doorknob. 

  

 Group 1 is a small, exclusive club, of which Sarah Palin is the latest member.  Group 2 is the rest of us.

 

Here is where it gets tricky. If you are in Group 1, it means you are smart, and you are not liberal. But liberals will call you stupid. Frequently. It’s a sophisticated debating trick that they learned from their sister when they were four.

 

“You are stupid!”

 

“Am not!”

 

“Am so!” 

 

“Mommeeeeee!”

 

I would choose Group 1 over Group 2 any day. I’d rather endure politically-motivated ridicule and personal attacks than the ongoing gagging ministrations of those who truly believe I’m a moron.

 

Like President Obama, whose obvious concern for us flows daily. Don’t blow your life savings at Vegas! Read more books! But don’t read blogs or watch cable news! Make sure your kids do their homework! Eat your broccoli! Finish your milk!

 

It’s not as crass as your sister yelling “Dummy!” but the point is just as clear. Our president thinks we’re idiots. 

 

For example, while liberal commentators have been snarling like rabid Chihuahuas about Sarah Palin’s hand notes, Obama just saw one more teachable moment, another opportunity to sprinkle words of wisdom over the knuckle-dragging masses by warning us not to write on ourselves with ink (“you could get blood poisoning”) and to always walk, never run, when carrying a pen or any pointy object.

 

Wait… I take it back. My mother told me that when I was five.

 

Sorry about that. Apparently, our benevolent leader’s admonishments have blended with all the other homilies I’ve been fed throughout my life – like big wads of sickening sweet cotton candy in my mind.

 

I wouldn’t mind so much, except when all this concern for our wellbeing extends to my bank account. It seems we lack the mental capacity to spend our money where we should, and it would be best if Mr. Obama managed that for us.

 

I must admit, I never would have chosen to purchase my neighbor’s 1989 Cutlass for $25,000 dollars (the final cost per car of Cash for Clunkers) and then scrap it. Not in a million zillion years. That’s why, in his superior wisdom, Mr. Obama had to do it on my behalf.

 

And I was so proud when my mother took her name off my passbook account when I was 12.

 

This kind of liberal solicitude makes me yearn for membership to Group 1 and the fangs and spittle of the rabid Chihuahuas. They make their target appear stupid for political purposes.  Obama and our liberal leaders truly believe we are a nation of dullards in need of their help.

 

Now that is truly scary.

 

The Chihuahuas in the liberal media actually believe their Group 1 target is gifted and intelligent and therefore a threat to be neutralized – with metaphorical chainsaws if possible.  Just think Dan Quayle.

 

They scrutinize every spoken word, and then use each inevitable misstep to brush their victim with stupid paint.

 

They did it to President Reagan, then they did it to President George W. Bush, and now they’re doing it to Sarah Palin.  Don’t believe me?  Go watch MSNBC for 15 minutes.

 

For example, I caught a few minutes of Keith Olbermann discussing Palin’s palm-notes with Howard Fineman on Monday.  (No, Olbermann hasn’t been fired yet, although I’ve heard rumors that if another desk is ruined by bile corrosion, he’s out.)

 

Anyway, Olbermann suggested that the notes were written on Palin’s hand by someone else, while Fineman quipped that he was “losing IQ points” just by viewing her on television. (Good one, Howie!)

 

But you still gotta wonder how such a slow mind can expound for 45 minutes from notes consisting of a mere seven words. But then we must consider that she also successfully operated a private business, a town, and a state. Perhaps she’s some kind of a savant, but that’s a subject for another day.

 

Anyway, Palin did manage to appear intelligent for 45 minutes with only seven words to prompt her – a miraculous achievement, especially if she is so dumb that the words had to be printed on her hand by some mysterious handler. (Come to think of it, where is Dick Cheney lately?)

 

Compare that to our brilliant caregiver-in-chief, who needs even brief statements and presentations to sixth-graders written out for him in full. 

 

Or what about Olbermann himself?  Could he do his entire show with only palm notes to aid his memory?

 

Like what about when David Letterman joked about Palin’s daughter being raped, and Olbermann stated that Palin’s protests revealed her to be, “Sanctimonious, holier than thou, exploitative, undignified, pedantic, childish, self-inflicting, insipid, backwards, embarrassing, over-reactive, overreaching” as well as a “delusional lunatic.”

 

Or this:  “Without total mindless, morally bankrupt, knee-jerk fascist hatred, Michelle Malkin would be just a big mashed up bag of meat with lipstick on it.”

 

Or this: “In short, in Scott Brown we have an irresponsible, homophobic, racist, reactionary, ex-nude model, tea-bagging supporter of violence against woman and against politicians with whom he disagrees.”

 

Could all that fit on his palm?  Let me see… Hmmm…  Maybe if he’s really good at short hand, acronyms, and mnemonics.

 

I’ll grant you that most liberals could rant about Palin for an hour with less than seven words to prompt them. I’m guessing words like:  “stupid,” “ignorant,”  “racist,” “hillbilly…” You get the idea.

 

It seems to me, however, that Olbermann’s level of venom would require a teleprompter. But what do I know? I’m in Group 2.

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