Barack Obama: Junior psychologist

Barack Obama must grow weary of being all things to all men, and sometimes it shows. Like last summer’s clunker when he tried to establish rapport with some Iowa farmers by asking, “Anyone gone to Whole Foods lately and seen what they charge for arugula?”


So, it’s no he wonder felt inclined to relax a bit at a private fundraiser given by a gaggle of Marin County patricians – that unique breed of Birkenstock BMW owners who live in biodegradable mansions, study positive affirmation and experiential wisdom, and do care about the price of arugula.


“Anyone gone to 7-Eleven lately and seen what they charge for a Super Big Gulp?” Obama blurted to the Chablis-sipping congregants. “I mean, they’re charging a lot of money for that stuff!”


No, he didn’t.


If he really had said that, he might have secured the allegiance of those very savages he courted so clumsily in Iowa – and possibly even my vote.  But alas, no.


Instead, in full-fledged I’m-a-liberal-and-I’m-here-to-rescue-you mode, Obama nurtured a mood of noblesse oblige in the shelter of those more highly-evolved counterparts, by pondering out loud what ails America’s proletariat, causing them to practice such aberrant behaviors as hunting and praying.


"You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them,” he said. “And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."


He was so persuasive, I figured that the American Psychiatric Association might have published diagnostic criteria for the malady he described in the latest DSM-IV.  Possibly something like this:


Diagnostic code: 987.8  Embittered Neanderthaliasis: 


Repetitive frustrated behavior manifested by those laid off two decades ago, who never retrained or moved on, and are still waiting for a savior to be elected who will confiscate the wealth of their neighbors who did and give it to them, as indicated by two or more of the following:


· Prayer, Bible reading, and church attendance. (Do not count if the church’s pastor spreads divisiveness, resentment, and racism like Mount Kilauea spreads lava.)

· Clinging behavior toward firearms.

· Antipathy toward those who are not like them, when laws are enforced selectively in that person’s favor.

· Frequent consumption of thick, bright-orange substances sprayed from aerosol cans.

· The presence of finger calluses indicating habitual dragging of the knuckles.


Funny.  I checked the DSM-IV, and I couldn’t find it.


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